So for the past couple weeks, I have just been really struggling in my faith. My relationship with God is there, but I just feel frustrated because I don't feel like it's going anywhere. I just feel...stuck. I feel like I have been hiking up this mountain with God, and all the sudden my boot gets caught and I can't free myself. And God's standing there right beside me calling out what I should do in order to free myself and continue further in my walk with him, but I just can't make out what He's saying. And it's killing me that I can't figure out what he wants! And I mean, it's not all of me that's stuck! It's just my boot! To come out of my little analogy, I was walking strong with God, and then all the sudden, I stopped growing. I can still hear his voice calling me to him, but I can't feel his hand leading me where to go. The reason I think I am so frustrated is because I do believe and I do love God with all my heart. All I want to do in life is his will and please him! I've given so much of myself to God, yet I don't feel like He's using me! And that is why I'm frustrated. I know the reason I feel like I do is because one part of me is stuck. I just really couldn't figure out what it was.

God really spoke to me tonight at youth group. "Faith by itself, if not accompanied by action, is dead." [James 2:17 NIV]

My faith is dead! That is why I am stuck! I have all this faith, a whole heart given to God and an ever pressing desire to please him and do his will, but I am not acting! I need to go where God wants me to go. Do what he wants me to do! Stop what he wants me to stop! Etc.! "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without action is dead." [James 2:26 NIV] Most people know me as this bubbly girl who's always laughing and having a good time. If you took my spirit away, I would just be this lifeless lump. That's what happened to my faith. It grew a lot and then action ceased. My faith became a lifeless lump! It's still there, just lifeless, no longer growing and radiant.

So now I've got my faith problem figured out, but I have another problem. I know what part of me is stuck-my boot. I know that I need to get my boot free in order to continue my hike up that mountain with God. The only problem is, I don't know how to get it free. I mean I know I need to pull it out, but I don't know how and I can't hear what God is telling me to do! Out of the analogy : I know that I need to start acting in my faith, but I can't feel God's hand leading me in how to do so. I don't know what He's calling me to do! I'm just really frustrated with this silence. I talked to my youth pastor tonight about this and he said look in the midst of your frustration and you'll find that is where you will find God. So my frustration is this silence. Maybe if I just listen...completely silence myself, just listen, God will speak to me. Because God speaks in the silence. He usually doesn't speak through big neon signs or earthquakes, but rather through silence. I've been looking for a big waving hand gesture, a motion, an earthquake...

All is quiet, I'm listening....

"Catch a glimpse of my incredible love for you! I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have the power to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is my completely unconditional love for you- a love that surpasses all human knowledge." [Ephesians 3:17-19]

God's love is so incredibly amazing. As humans we will never be able to grasp how great his love for us really is. I mean, He sent his one and only son to this earth to suffer and to die for all the crap that we do. He wanted to be close to us and to show his love to us so bad that he sent his son to come and die because we screw up. That is love, a love far greater than any love that a human could possibly comprehend or show. Yes, humans can love. I know this because I love. There are people in my life that I love with all of my being, people that I know I cannot live without. It is a kind of love that overwhelms me to the point of tears when I think about it. But God's love completely blows my love out of the water. That completely blows me away. It just blows my mind that God could love that much, especially after all the things that we as humans do. We can be so screwed up sometimes. But God's love is unconditional! Wow...what more can I say?

You are all this heart is longing for
Jesus, you are all my soul is pleading for

What can separate us
From the love of Jesus Christ
Nothing this world can even change
The thought I once was lost
But now been given grace
It's a mystery that I will not chase

I don't understand it
How you love the way you do
Even when I've fallen
You always lift me up to you

It just blows my mind that no matter what I do, how much I ignore, how often I stand Him up, God always loves. People in this world will turn their back on you if you turn your back on them. God never will. No matter how hard we've slapped Him in the face, He never turns away. People in this world can love you one minute and the next hate you. As humans, we cannot show unconditional love...undying love. But God can. And all of this just blows my mind away; that my father is so awesome and loving no matter what I do. And He helps me through life. Without Him, I would be nothing.

Father God, I thank you for being awesome. I thank you for the unconditional love that you surround me with everyday. I thank you that no matter how many times I stand you up, you're always there waiting anyway. I thank you that when everyone else on this earth fails me, you are waiting with arms spread wide open. I thank you that when I get lost, you call out my name, leading me straight back to you. And I thank you that when times get rough, I can come to you at any moment and fall into your arms. I thank you that you daily take my burdens and carry them on your shoulders...for me. Father I ask that you would take my life, mold it, shape it...make me like you. I pray Lord, that I would be a sanctuary for you to dwell in. That I would be pure and clean in your eyes. And that as I pick up my cross and walk with you daily, I would be a light for the world of darkness around me to see. I pray that you would shine through me to those around me, that they may be drawn to you and share in the joy that I have in my initmate relationship with you. I love you father. In Jesus Christ's name I pray, Amen.

Oh Lord I am strong in you..."My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." [2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV]

I'm human, I'll screw up. And it completely blows me away that You forgive everytime. No matter how many times I screw up, no matter how many times I show you up, You never show me up. I am so grateful for your amazing love and compassion. And it is my prayer that I would become more like you, that I would be a shining light on this earth for you. I love you. Thank you. Amen.

Let your faith shine right through.
You know it's the world versus Jesus and you.

How much more true could that be? Everyday we go into this world, fighting against temptation and sin. And at times it is going to seem absolutely hopeless. It is going to seem like the whole world is against you and there is no one around with the same mission as you. And people are going to laugh at you and persecute you for the message you are trying to spread. And you are going to want to curl up into a ball and say "I can't do it God. It's too hard." But you know what, YOU AREN'T ALONE! You have Jesus on your side. And He has more power than all the people of the world put together. So those couple kids in your class that are constantly putting you down...they're nothing compared to the strength that you have on Jesus' side! and remember

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." [2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV]

In your weakness you are made strong in Him!

So LET YOUR FAITH SHINE RIGHT THROUGH! because it's the world versus JESUS AND YOU!

God Bless

"We are a moment, You are forever..."

We sang this in church today and it really made me think. What is our life? In perspective of the big picture, just a moment. While it's happening, life seems soooo long. It seems like that can be all there is. But in reality, our life is simply a glimpse. We have all of eternity in heaven with God. So why do we insist on getting caught in the moment? Why do constantly screw up? Why do we constantly push ourselves farther away from God for a brief pleasure? Why do we let temptation get the best of us? Because we are only human. We can't not sin. Every time we give into a little temptation and sin, we fall farther away from God. So why do we do it? Why do we risk our eternity in Heaven with God for a brief moment, for one thrill? For me, it's because I forget exactly what these lyrics reminded me. I forget that this life is simply a moment.

And today in church as I was singing praise to God, I just had to stop and think. I just had to stop and think about how small a moment is. I had to think about how much and how little can occur in a moment. I know one thing that is for sure. I want to do as much as I can in my moment for God. I want my moment to be for God. Not for me. I want God to be my forever. God is the only thing that can be forever. Everything else is of this world.

"You are the love song I'll sing forever..."

Unfailing Love

Last night at youth group, everyone was all crammed together in the parlor of the church because it has some kick butt air conditioning and it was pretty dang hot. So we're all here in the parlor and we were having praise and worship. I was sitting on the floor and I was just praising God. We sang this song, Unfailing Love. It really hit me. No matter how many times I screw up...God still loves me. I screw up every day. Everday I fail God. Everday I hurt Him. But everyday...He comes back with his arms wide open. It's like this dream someone once told me about...I get up on a stage and I completely hurt this person...I put Him down...I go against everything He's ever taught me and I get off the stage and He is waiting there...with arms wide open and a tear in His eye. I run over into His arms and say I'm sorry...I didn't mean to hurt you. And He says...it's ok...i'm still here...I love you...I forgive you. And it hurts me so that everyday I fall into the jaws of sin and everyday I cause pain to the One that loves me so much. I don't want to hurt the people I love. I am ever grateful for my Father's unfailing love and there is nothing more that I want to do than return that unfailing love. But I'm only human and I do not have the power to give unfailing love. Nor do any of the people around me. The people I am closest to...they can hurt me...they can turn their backs on me....they can give me up...they can put me down...and it scares me that the people I put my trust in could change to something completely different just like that. It scares me that I could be all alone in this world with no one... But that can never be true. Because I have God who gives unfailing love. He will never turn His back on me. He will never give me up. He will never ever go away. He show unfailing love.