This year has been quite the year. The fact it is the third of July and this is the first time I’ve sat down to write and reflect sums it up quite nicely. The simple, essential parts of my life have been pushed aside and forgotten because of the more “pressing” parts. You’d think a car accident at the start of the year would slow things down for me right away, make me step back, realize what is important and slow down and prioritize, appreciate, and live. I wish that had happened.
Instead, I had the busiest, most stressful, and utterly purposeless year of my life.
Sitting here right now, I would like to write that I consider everything in my life in terms of God, that He is the King, ruler, and controller of everything that goes on. And assuming that truth about myself, I would like to say that this past year was all about me being earnestly concerned with how far away from God I was wondering.
These two things that I would “like” to say are only half truths. Sure this past year I spent some time concerned with the distance I felt, but it was not earnest concern. Had it been earnest, I would have done something about it. I would have sought God out. I would have immersed myself in His Word. I would have plugged myself into the church, lived there. I would have picked up books, Noomas, whatever, and learned what other’s had encountered in God’s presence. I would have given God hours upon hours of my time in prayer, just enjoying his presence. I would have given Him my life for real, in its entirety, would have totally surrendered all control to Him. And as a result he would have become the King and ruler over all of my life.
Happy story, sincere faith. Right? Notice the conditional tense – “would.”
Yeah, none of that happened in my life. That’s the false part.
The half truth: This is EXACTLY what I want, EXACTLY what I need, and EXACTLY where I should be – in his loving stronghold.
So. Where does that put me right now? Looking back on a year of purposeless stress, uncontrolled business, and “spiritual” laziness. I hate the person I have become. I hate the way my life is right now.
Right now, I am fed up with who I am and am ready and desperate to become purposefully all about Him! Right now, I am desperately seeking the God of the universe, calling Him to come and rescue me from this dull life I lead.
Abba Father!
I am sick, disgusted, and tired of who I am. I am so ready, so desperately in need of you in every aspect of my life. I want to be so full of you! I want to feel free and invincible in You, full of your living breath that you breathe into my pathetic human lungs every single minute of every hour of every day! Come fill me with your spirit of life and love!
Cleanse me of all the earthly garbage that has built up in the dark corners of this house. Make it a holy sanctuary for you to dwell within! For it is not I who lives, but Christ who lives in me!
Yes Father! Yes! I give it all to you! Every part of me! Use me at your will and daily blow me away with your mercy and love! Make me like you! Help me not to conform to this world!
I surrender all Father! My sins – lust, sexual intimacy, anger, lies, deceit, hate, gossip, jealousy, unholy desires, gluttony, busyness! If there are any more, I give them to you! Make me aware and please Father, forgive me. I want to stop falling into this pit of dirt and remain holy as you are holy. I will go the distance in my personal life to avoid temptation and sin!
Father! I surrender my body. I am done being so concerned with appearance and weight. Father God, it is all vanity! I will work to keep this body healthy and in shape so that it may perform for you and only you!
Father God, I surrender this life, the thing that I hold onto most tightly. Take it and do with as you please! I have no say! I lay down control. I will only follow and obey. I’m tired of screwing up all the time. Perfect my life in your will!
Father God! I surrender my schedule to you! PLEASE! HELP ME TO SLOW DOWN! I’m so disgusted with business! It’s yours- my time! Do with it as you please!
I SURRENDER ALL! Take this life and make it your own. You are so holy, so BIG! The Ruler and Creator of ALL the universe which is ever expanding! You are the Ruler of the heavens and at the same time, the King and controller of my life! As particular of detail you pay to placing each galaxy in its place in the universe, you pay the same detail to planning my life. The same way you know each star’s name, you know the number of hairs on my head…the number of the cells that make up my body. At the same time that you hold the universe in the palm of your hand, you embrace me…my Abba…my Daddy. And I just realized I really love you, more than anything!
Lastly Father, I ask that my life would be a constant conversation with you, one never-ending act of worship. I give this life to you as an offering of thanks for your son, your love, mercy, grace, beauty, power, and just TOTAL awesomeness!
Thank you, Abba. It is in Jesus Christ’s holy name I pray…
