I want Jesus. Period.

Today PM and I studied 1 Samuel Chapter 3.

I want to know Jesus. I don't want to minister before Him. Or know the facts about Him. Or go through the motions for Him. I don't just want to proclaim Him as my Lord and Savior. No. I want to live for him. I want every action to be a perfect reflection of Him. I want to be so in tune with Jesus that I can feel his breathing. That my heart beat becomes one with His. I want to be filled with His infectious love. I want to know my Savior. I want to know his likes and dislikes. I want Him to be the best friend I tell everything. I want Him to be my primary focus. I want Jesus to be my everything. He is more than enough. I want to know him that way. I want to know Him wholly. I want to know Him inside and out. I want to know Him the same way He knows me. I want to be crucified with Christ. I want Jesus. Period.

But the fact of the matter is this: I'll never wholly know Him. I can't. I will spend the rest of eternity getting to know Him. And to me, this is a beautiful thing. This is a lifetime of everyday understanding a little more of my Savior. This is a lifetime of everyday feeling his touch a little stronger, it becoming a little more familiar. This is a lifetime of everyday taking one more breathe in sync with Him. This is a lifetime of everyday having one more thought in tune with my Maker. This is a lifetime of dying a little more to myself and taking up a little more of His life.

I just want Jesus. Period.

Take This Life

As I'm standing here, staring into the mirror
See the figure of a man trying to take a stand
And live for something more
Integrity is what I need and honor to my soul I feed
To give it up, pack it in, getting rid of all my sin that's weighing me down
Won't You come and fill
I want You to come and make me more real

Take this life, won't You change this life
Come and make me whole
Won't You take this life, won't You change this life
Come and make me whole

In my pursuit of what is real
My heart is longing with a need to feel my soul come alive
I trudge and I step through the height and the death
Of a long narrow as I'm growing old
And soon I will be home

I'm having one of those sleepless nights. And i was listening to some Shawn McDonald when this song came on. I've heard it at least 50 times, and tonight for some reason it is just blowing my mind. I feel as though these are the longings of my soul. I'm crying out to be changed. I just want to be used, to be cleansed, to be real, to be filled, to be changed, to be tranformed, to be loved, to feel, to grow, to go home. This place is no my home.

Just take this life. All of it. The drama, the stress, the tears, the joys, the laziness, the apathy, the unawareness, the pain, the beauty, the lies, the hate, the passion. Take this life. Change me, morph me, use me. I'm crying out to be touched. Touch in me a heart of passion, a heart of worship. Change this life, I'm laying it here. I've strayed. I'm a prodigal daughter. I'm a child of Eden. But you have never left me. For You are with me always until the end of the age. And the good work that you have started in me you are faithful to carry out to completion. You are faithful. I aspire to have Your great faith, and with every moment of worship, with every Word that I read I fall in love. In love with the King, in the love with the Friend, in love with the Servant. In love with Abba Daddy. Come and make me whole.