Wake Up World.

I have always been that girl with the big ideas. Ideas to help the neighbors, to start a leaf raking marathon, to organize a five mile run to benefit the Red Cross, to run a blanket drive for the homeless, to get Christmas gifts to the needy. I’ve always wanted to change the world. However, I’ve never taken the biggest step, the initial action. I sit in pure bliss and excitement with the idea and then let it fade into oblivion. “Nice thought, “ has always been the result of my great ideas. Ingred Michaelson put it best when she sung, “I want to change the world/ Instead I sleep.” I am done sleeping. The time has come for change, for revolution.


This past summer, a fiery passion for mission work was lit in my soul. I went on a weeklong trip into the Appalachian Mountains to work on the dilapidated house of an impoverished family of four. The beaming smiles of the children upon seeing a bathtub and door for their bathroom combined with the mom’s gleaming tears over the brand new porch deck were enough to change me forever. As I piled into the van at the end of the week, I knew I would never be able to sit with an idea ever again.


Over the couple months following that mission trip, the fire in my soul has becoming an inferno of desire to make a difference in this dark place that we call home. I can no longer enjoy the luxuries of life while there are people in my own country who do not have running water in their homes. I can no longer sit by while there are children starving, helpless Africans dying from AIDS, and innocent people being persecuted and murdered for their rightful beliefs. I can no longer sleep while corrupt governments oppress people who deserve freedom. I can no longer allow those who are able to live in ignorance of the injustice around them.


In a moment of brilliant inspiration this past November, I realized what I want to do with my life. I love writing and photography more than anything. I want to combine my passions with my desire to start a revolution. I believe that God has equipped me with the skills and drive I need to go out into the world as a revolutionary journalist and capture the brokenness in this world for all to see and know. Ideas into action; Action into service. This is the life I will live. I will live a life of action. An idea is burning in my spirit, and a revolution is about to pour from my fingertips. I will write to inform. I will photograph to motivate. I will live to inspire.

Live Life Shamelessly

I’m that girl—the one who most people think is absolutely flawless. The one who seems to have the picture perfect life with the picture perfect smile, the picture perfect grades, and the picture perfect family. The one who the teachers love to love and the slackers love to hate. I’m that girl—the one who seems to have everything together, to have success waiting at her doorstep.

I’m that girl—the one who most people believe to be innocent. The one who goes to church every Sunday and sings in the choir every Wednesday. The one who is bound by and adheres to strict religious laws. I’m that girl—the one who people deny could do anything wrong.

I’m that girl.

I am not that girl.

I am not flawless. I am completely and utterly flawed—I never have been perfect, nor will I ever be. I am imperfect just like every human who has come before me—every last one, save Christ. I choose to take off the mask of perfection so people can see me for all that I truly am. If people would peer deeper into what seems to be my picture perfect life, they would find mistakes and heartache. I want people to know me. All my struggles, failures, and triumphs. I am not that girl who wakes up every morning and puts on her picture perfect face with her picture perfect smile. I wake up every morning and approach the world as I am—genuine and candid.

I am not effortlessly successful. I work harder than anyone I know. I do not strive for success as determined by the world or society. I set my own standards—I am my toughest critic. I choose to challenge myself and am willing to fail before I succeed. Achieving success rests solely in the process that is learning. I do not strive for the reward at the end, or the applause along the way. Every success requires a journey and every journey has a lesson. I live for the lesson.

I am not all-together settled. I do not think I ever will be. My life is full of questions, full of seeking, full of trials, full of errors. I am not afraid to be broken. I choose to forever transform, grow and develop. After all, life on Earth is the temporary process of becoming more and more like the Truth. I will spend my life forever seeking the one and only Truth.

I am not innocent. I am a sinner. But blessed am I, a prodigal daughter, to return to the embrace of my King—I once was lost but now am found. I am forgiven because of the Cross at Calvary. And because of this salvation, I can live with the innocence of a child. I choose to let go of what this world has to offer to chase with awe and wonder the call of my Abba Daddy. Like a child, I am intuitive, spontaneous and carefree.

I am not religious. I am the polar opposite of religion. I am passionately crazy and hopelessly unstructured in my relationship with Christ. I am a Jesus freak—a bold believer. I dance when I worship and I laugh when I pray. I am unreserved in my expressions of faith. I am head-over-heels in love with Jesus and I am not afraid to let people know. I will shout it from the highest mountain and let it echo through the deepest valley. I allow my impurities to intensify the light of Christ that shines through the darkness. I am renewed and transformed. I live a life of love in Him.

I choose to live and learn. I will not wait for life to find me. I choose to dive headfirst into life and live it to the fullest. I live through mistakes. I live to the answer. I live for the lesson. I live for the Truth. I live like a child. I live for Love. And in everything I do, I will live life as Jesus intended me to live it: shamelessly.

That's All I Really Want

You called me out. You reached down and grabbed my hand while I was swatting around in the dark for You. I thought I'd forever be swatting with only a sense of Your presence. And now, holding Your holy hand, I'm beginning to see a glimpse of light. My greatest desire is to know You Father. Please let all of Your glorious light shine for me. For me! I've come. Father God, I am ready to get out of the boat like Jesus told Peter to do. I'm ready to get out of the boat and walk on the water toward You Jesus. Help me not to falter and if I do, pick me up and allow me to share that precious moment of intimacy with You.

That's all I really want, is to be intimate with my Savior, to be in love with my King, to share my life with one person, Jesus, my Best Friend. I want to be aware of God's presence in my life and in tune with the Holy Spirit. I want to know God's Word and to soak everything out of it. I want to live it out and become a walking example of Christ's love. I want to be more like You Jesus. I want to know You, know You like You already know me. I want to be completely transformed, renewed by Your grace. I want to understand Your grace so it is not longer just something that is spoken of, but something beautiful that I daily bathe in. Wash me in Your grace and overhwhelm me in Your love. Pour into me not only knowledge and wisdom, but more so that anything Jesus, Yourself.

Jesus, I long to only breathe you in. I'm finished trying to impress the world. Fill me with You and shine out of me for the world to see! I want to be Your servant!

It is my most desperate longing to love You, know You, feel You, experience You, see You, hear You, touch You, in a way that is so real, so explosive, so transforming, so renovative, so renewing, so mindblowing, so out of this world, so unbelievable, so awesome, so powerful, so holy, so inexpressible, so indescribable, so breathtaking that I am never the same, that I can't stop thinking about You day and night, that I can't help but share You, Your love, with everyone I pass, that I can't help but be moved to tears when I even think about an encounter with You, that I can walk through any trial, any tribulation, and have You in my focus, that I may see Your light in any valley and shout Your praise from every mountain top, that I may know You are God, the Alpha and Omega, the Prince of Peace, the Lord of Lords, the King of Kings, my Savior, my Rock, my Shield, my Comforter, the Creator of the universe, my Abba Daddy, the great I AM.

I desperately long to dive into Your word. I want to print the Scriptures on my heart. The more I know Your word Father, the more I know You. And the more I know Your word, the more I have to share, the more I have to combat temptation with.

I don't just want to memorize your word, I want to live it. I want to eat it, drink it, breathe it. I am so hungry for what you have to say, eager to digest and live by it. I am at a crucial point in my life Father and I don't want to make any decisions without You. Help me to see Your purpose for my life. Reveal to me where I should go, what I should do. Father God, You have a plan and I simply long to follow it. Give me some holy direction! Help me to find You this year, help me to daily know more of You and to every moment, with every breathe, fall deeper in love with You, my Jesus. I want to spend every moment with You Jesus. You should see the view when it's only You. And Jesus, help me to find myself in You. I don't long to find myself, but rather You. For I long to be one with You Jesus. Come and fill me. Make me like You, help me to reach out and share the good news with everyone -- to those ordinary shepherds who just like me are waiting for the invitation to come see You in the manger.

I pray this all in the awesome and holy name of Jesus, amen.

I surrender all

This year has been quite the year. The fact it is the third of July and this is the first time I’ve sat down to write and reflect sums it up quite nicely. The simple, essential parts of my life have been pushed aside and forgotten because of the more “pressing” parts. You’d think a car accident at the start of the year would slow things down for me right away, make me step back, realize what is important and slow down and prioritize, appreciate, and live. I wish that had happened.

Instead, I had the busiest, most stressful, and utterly purposeless year of my life.

Sitting here right now, I would like to write that I consider everything in my life in terms of God, that He is the King, ruler, and controller of everything that goes on. And assuming that truth about myself, I would like to say that this past year was all about me being earnestly concerned with how far away from God I was wondering.

These two things that I would “like” to say are only half truths. Sure this past year I spent some time concerned with the distance I felt, but it was not earnest concern. Had it been earnest, I would have done something about it. I would have sought God out. I would have immersed myself in His Word. I would have plugged myself into the church, lived there. I would have picked up books, Noomas, whatever, and learned what other’s had encountered in God’s presence. I would have given God hours upon hours of my time in prayer, just enjoying his presence. I would have given Him my life for real, in its entirety, would have totally surrendered all control to Him. And as a result he would have become the King and ruler over all of my life.

Happy story, sincere faith. Right? Notice the conditional tense – “would.”

Yeah, none of that happened in my life. That’s the false part.

The half truth: This is EXACTLY what I want, EXACTLY what I need, and EXACTLY where I should be – in his loving stronghold.

So. Where does that put me right now? Looking back on a year of purposeless stress, uncontrolled business, and “spiritual” laziness. I hate the person I have become. I hate the way my life is right now.

Right now, I am fed up with who I am and am ready and desperate to become purposefully all about Him! Right now, I am desperately seeking the God of the universe, calling Him to come and rescue me from this dull life I lead.

Abba Father!

I am sick, disgusted, and tired of who I am. I am so ready, so desperately in need of you in every aspect of my life. I want to be so full of you! I want to feel free and invincible in You, full of your living breath that you breathe into my pathetic human lungs every single minute of every hour of every day! Come fill me with your spirit of life and love!

Cleanse me of all the earthly garbage that has built up in the dark corners of this house. Make it a holy sanctuary for you to dwell within! For it is not I who lives, but Christ who lives in me!

Yes Father! Yes! I give it all to you! Every part of me! Use me at your will and daily blow me away with your mercy and love! Make me like you! Help me not to conform to this world!

I surrender all Father! My sins – lust, sexual intimacy, anger, lies, deceit, hate, gossip, jealousy, unholy desires, gluttony, busyness! If there are any more, I give them to you! Make me aware and please Father, forgive me. I want to stop falling into this pit of dirt and remain holy as you are holy. I will go the distance in my personal life to avoid temptation and sin!

Father! I surrender my body. I am done being so concerned with appearance and weight. Father God, it is all vanity! I will work to keep this body healthy and in shape so that it may perform for you and only you!

Father God, I surrender this life, the thing that I hold onto most tightly. Take it and do with as you please! I have no say! I lay down control. I will only follow and obey. I’m tired of screwing up all the time. Perfect my life in your will!

Father God! I surrender my schedule to you! PLEASE! HELP ME TO SLOW DOWN! I’m so disgusted with business! It’s yours- my time! Do with it as you please!

I SURRENDER ALL! Take this life and make it your own. You are so holy, so BIG! The Ruler and Creator of ALL the universe which is ever expanding! You are the Ruler of the heavens and at the same time, the King and controller of my life! As particular of detail you pay to placing each galaxy in its place in the universe, you pay the same detail to planning my life. The same way you know each star’s name, you know the number of hairs on my head…the number of the cells that make up my body. At the same time that you hold the universe in the palm of your hand, you embrace me…my Abba…my Daddy. And I just realized I really love you, more than anything!

Lastly Father, I ask that my life would be a constant conversation with you, one never-ending act of worship. I give this life to you as an offering of thanks for your son, your love, mercy, grace, beauty, power, and just TOTAL awesomeness!

Thank you, Abba. It is in Jesus Christ’s holy name I pray…

The Garden of Eden

We're taught in church that sin separates us from God and that with sin, we cannot be with God. Sin turns us away from God for He can not look upon our sin.

When we were little, we were taught in Sunday school that Adam and Eve lived in the Garden of Eden. The Garden of Eden was a beautiful and perfect place and in that garden, Adam and Eve had everything they could ever need. They were perfect humans and they lived in perfect harmony with God, daily encountering Him one on one.

Then, they sinned. They ate the forbidden fruit. Ashamed of what they had done, they hid from God. But try as they might, they could not hide. God sent them out of the garden and into a world of toil and trouble and pain and hurt - a world that was the equivalent of their sin.

So, sin turns us away from God and sent Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden. A strong connection is being made between us and Adam and Eve. In a sense, we are Adam and Eve. They sinned, we sin. God turned Adam and Eve away, we turn away from God. So in a sense, until we sin, we are living in the Garden of Eden as well.

What am I getting at? "I never lived in a pretty garden. You're stupid. Shut up." Yes, I can hear you. I have another piece to add.

In the original Hebrew translation of the Bible, it was not the "Garden of Eden" that Adam and Eve lived in.

It was "the heart of God."

Pause. Think about it.

Replace the "Garden of Eden" with "the heart of God" in the story of Adam and Eve.

Adam and Eve lived in the heart of God. The heart of God was a beautiful and perfect place and in God's heart, Adam and Eve had everything they could ever need. They were perfect humans and they lived in perfect harmony with God, daily encountering Him one on one.

Then, they sinned. They ate the forbidden fruit. Ashamed of what they had done, they hid from God. But try as they might, they could not hide. God sent them out of the His heart and into a world of toil and trouble and pain and hurt - a world that was the equivalent of their sin.

We too lived in the heart of God before we caved into lies and lusted for the life of this earth. We exchanged our perfect home in the heart of God for the temporary pleasures of this place we call "home." Sounds like a sad story, huh? We think the grass is greener on the other side, but once we get there it's not so good.

Too bad for Adam and Eve, they were never allowed back into the Garden of Eden, the heart of God.

Lucky for us, God sent his son, Jesus Christ to take away our sins.

Yeah yeah, we know right? Wrong. What does that really mean? Don't let it go in one ear and out the other.

Jesus takes away our sins. Meaning we become perfect in God's eyes. Meaning we are welcomed back into the heart of God, back into the Garden of Eden.

Asking for forgiveness of our sins is SO MUCH BIGGER than a clean slate!

It is SO MUCH BIGGER than bringing us closer to God!

It is bringing us into the very heart of God. It is bringing us to a beautiful and perfect place where we have everything we could ever need. It is allowing us to live in perfect harmony with God, encountering Him one on one.

Salvation, forgiveness, all that good stuff just took on a whole new meaning. A very intimate and personal meaning. Don't ignore it. The Garden awaits.

Don't Worry. Be Happy.

I had a fight with a friend.
I had a fight with my mom.
I have too much homework.
I'm stressed.
I'm overwhelmed.
I'm sick.
I'm tired.
I'm moody.

Things happen that I don't understand.
Things get complicated for no reason.
Things hurt.
Things suck.

Life can suck at times. I find myself sitting and asking why? Why do things happen? Lately things have seemed to suck a lot more than they usually do and last night I was utterly overwhelmed. I wanted to sit and wallow in self pity. I wanted the world to know that I was having a sucky time. Instead of doing the one thing I should have, give over all my burdens to the only One who could truly take them off my shoulders, I decided to sit in a big puddle of crap and sulk and pout.

Abba Daddy wouldn't have that nonsense. Oh no. I imagine He was thinking something along the lines of "Baby girl, these are not your burdens to carry. Just give them up." And seeing I was too absorbed in wallowing in self pity, He used my friends to snap me out of it.

A good friend happens to IM me as I'm sitting and sulking. He actually was very unsympathetic to my pissy sulk mood and told me I was hardly happy anymore. I don't believe he meant to make me angry, but it pissed me off. I kinda exploded. I spilled everything that was on my heart. I sat at my computer crying out my problems onto the keyboard. With every key that I pounded I became more upset and more angry. I imagine from the outside it was a pathetic sight. After i had finished blubbering about my "crapstorm life" he decided to give me a slap of perspective. He told me to step outside and look in.

"So here's bree. She's dealing with a couple shaky friendships and she's overwhelmed because her schedule is filled and she has a lot to deal with over the next month." That's not so bad is it? It's not the end of the world. Time passes, you'll move past it and everything will be ok. Get up and dust yourself off. Keep going.

Being snapped into reality, I calmed down. I still held onto my self pity though. So what if I can handle it, I always get up and keep going. But that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it. His response:

Life is only as bad as you make it out to be. You need to have a "mind like water"

You're probably wondering just as I was what exactly that is:
"In karate there is an image that’s used to define the position of perfect readiness: 'mind like water.' Imagine throwing a pebble into a still pond. How does the water respond? The answer is, totally appropriate to the force and mass of the input; then it returns to calm. It doesn’t overreact or underreact. Anything that causes you to overreact or underreact can control you, and often does. Most people give either more or less attention to things than they deserve, simply because they don’t operate with a 'mind like water.'"

Ok. Things were in perspective. I was overreacting as usual. I knew I needed to stop wallowing in self pity and stop sulking and being so incredibly unhappy. But I felt unsatisfied. I wanted to know why. I'd deal with all the crap, but why. Maybe if I just slept on it...

Instead I decide to call another good friend. My first explosion about all the crap I was dealing with was apparently not enough. I had to verbally explode as well. So after about 10 minutes of my blubbering, my friend asked why I was so upset by all of it.

I don't understand why. I don't understand the purpose of me going through all this. The purpose of feeling a call to do something and after I do it there is a negative pointless outcome. I just don't see why!

So what does my friend tell me. Exactly what I needed to hear.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." [James 1:2-3]

I read this verse for the first time this past summer and it didn't really mean much. I've gone through so many trials this year that this verse has become a favorite of mine. It gives me hope, strength and the will to keep persevering.

My friend proceeded to tell me that if I really wanted to know why things were happening I needed to go to the One who took my burdens and ask Him.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." [James 1:5]

Ok. So God was slowly pulling me back into His arms. I really needed to just go to Him. But my friend was not finished. He decided to remind me of something very wise he had once shared with me before.

Things that happen in our life are similar to stars. When a star is born out in space, it is a long time before we see the light that star gives off. God does things in our life to set us up for His glory to be brought about later. We don't always, actually hardly ever, know exactly what God is doing things or for what purpose he does them. But God does not do things without purpose. And at some point or another the light from the stars that he forms in your life will shine, and you will be overjoyed when they do.

God is defintely forming some hardcore stars in my life this year, and even though I can't see the light yet, I am ok with that. Because I know at some point or another my life is gonna be full of bright light, God's glory. And that. That is what I long for-- my life to be full of God's glory.

Ok so lesson learned story over right? Wrong. God was not done yet. I wake up at an ungodly hour of 7:00 this morning to go write an article. I'm sitting there with yet another good friend and out of no where she whips out "My Utmost for His Highest" and reads todays devotional.

"'The cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches and the lust for other things will choke out the life of God in us. We are never free from the recurring waves of this invasion. If the frontline of attack is not about clothes and food, it may be about money or the lack of money; or friends or lack of friends; or the line may be drawn over difficult circumstances. It is one steady invasion, and these things will come in like a flood, unless we allow the Spirit of God to raise up the banner against it. 'I say to you, do not worry about your life . . .' Our Lord says to be careful only about one thing-our relationship to Him. But our common sense shouts loudly and says, 'That is absurd, I must consider how I am going to live, and I must consider what I am going to eat and drink.' Jesus says you must not. Beware of allowing yourself to think that He says this while not understanding your circumstances. Jesus Christ knows our circumstances better than we do, and He says we must not think about these things to the point where they become the primary concern of our life. Whenever there are competing concerns in your life, be sure you always put your relationship to God first.'Sufficient for the day is its own trouble' (Matthew 6:34). How much trouble has begun to threaten you today? What kind of mean little demons have been looking into your life and saying, 'What are your plans for next month— or next summer?' Jesus tells us not to worry about any of these things. Look again and think. Keep your mind on the "much more" of your heavenly Father (Matthew 6:30)."

I hear you God. "Don't worry. Be Happy, in Me."