I’m that girl—the one who most people think is absolutely flawless. The one who seems to have the picture perfect life with the picture perfect smile, the picture perfect grades, and the picture perfect family. The one who the teachers love to love and the slackers love to hate. I’m that girl—the one who seems to have everything together, to have success waiting at her doorstep.
I’m that girl—the one who most people believe to be innocent. The one who goes to church every Sunday and sings in the choir every Wednesday. The one who is bound by and adheres to strict religious laws. I’m that girl—the one who people deny could do anything wrong.
I’m that girl.
I am not that girl.
I am not flawless. I am completely and utterly flawed—I never have been perfect, nor will I ever be. I am imperfect just like every human who has come before me—every last one, save Christ. I choose to take off the mask of perfection so people can see me for all that I truly am. If people would peer deeper into what seems to be my picture perfect life, they would find mistakes and heartache. I want people to know me. All my struggles, failures, and triumphs. I am not that girl who wakes up every morning and puts on her picture perfect face with her picture perfect smile. I wake up every morning and approach the world as I am—genuine and candid.
I am not effortlessly successful. I work harder than anyone I know. I do not strive for success as determined by the world or society. I set my own standards—I am my toughest critic. I choose to challenge myself and am willing to fail before I succeed. Achieving success rests solely in the process that is learning. I do not strive for the reward at the end, or the applause along the way. Every success requires a journey and every journey has a lesson. I live for the lesson.
I am not all-together settled. I do not think I ever will be. My life is full of questions, full of seeking, full of trials, full of errors. I am not afraid to be broken. I choose to forever transform, grow and develop. After all, life on Earth is the temporary process of becoming more and more like the Truth. I will spend my life forever seeking the one and only Truth.
I am not innocent. I am a sinner. But blessed am I, a prodigal daughter, to return to the embrace of my King—I once was lost but now am found. I am forgiven because of the Cross at Calvary. And because of this salvation, I can live with the innocence of a child. I choose to let go of what this world has to offer to chase with awe and wonder the call of my Abba Daddy. Like a child, I am intuitive, spontaneous and carefree.
I am not religious. I am the polar opposite of religion. I am passionately crazy and hopelessly unstructured in my relationship with Christ. I am a Jesus freak—a bold believer. I dance when I worship and I laugh when I pray. I am unreserved in my expressions of faith. I am head-over-heels in love with Jesus and I am not afraid to let people know. I will shout it from the highest mountain and let it echo through the deepest valley. I allow my impurities to intensify the light of Christ that shines through the darkness. I am renewed and transformed. I live a life of love in Him.
I choose to live and learn. I will not wait for life to find me. I choose to dive headfirst into life and live it to the fullest. I live through mistakes. I live to the answer. I live for the lesson. I live for the Truth. I live like a child. I live for Love. And in everything I do, I will live life as Jesus intended me to live it: shamelessly.
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2 comments:
Nice post. I think it's good for Christians to be open about themselves in the manner you are...sometimes people give these "superman" vibes that others just can't live up to.
So I hope all is well with you!
You said it all in one sentence for me. "I am willing to fail before I succedd." We cannot go into ministry, into life or into anything expecting anything; the only thing we should expect is for God to move in one way or another. We must just simply go and if we fail we fail and if we succeed than we succeed. Its up to God with what he wants to do with our strengths and weaknesses.
Very well put, like usual.
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